How to pretend you know stuff when you have no fecking idea

1) Wear a suit.

2) Talk about something so random and with such complete assurity that even people who do know what theyre talking about believe you. ("OFCOURSE pumpkins were used as missiles during world war! EVERYONE knows that! where have you BEEN for the last 100 years?!")

3) Any back bencher worth his salt knows this one: nod intelligently. Yeah, that's right. Keep nodding that head and you're home free (hopefully NOT after detention 'cuz your teacher thought you were on drugs, due to all that nodding) This does work most of the time, especially if you have a tie on. Plus, if you can manage to throw in a 'look of disdain' while you're at it, your teacher will be completely convinced this is kid stuff for you. However, and don't blame me, this may lead to you getting more homework than your equally clueless pals, just because you "know so much about the topic!"

4) I will now give you the secret of all secrets, the Holy Scripture of knowing nothing while pretending you know fuck-all: keep on taking those notes. 'Cuz while you were drawing cartoons of her freakishly large head, she was glowing inside at the OBVIOUS importance you were paying to her each and every word. With luck, you'll look so busy making notes that the teacher wouldn't dream of disturbing you and making you answer that question. And these doodles of that hot hunk who lives next door MIGHT not help around exam time, but what the heck, you FINALLY caught a glimpse of him without a shirt on.