Stuff to NOT do at 3 in the morning

Tis late and night and every mortal soul in the world is asleep, dreaming of the sweet success and love and peace and shiny Wailord Pokemon cards with 200 hp; except for one big glob of mass failure and incomplete homework (You, as if it weren't completely obvious already). Now, as the darkness grows, your tiny vulnerable brain is going to get even more messed up than it usually is. You will feel like you blended awesomeness into a milkshake and drank it in one straight gulp like the badass you are. Like the very soul of the world is whispering to you, telling you to save it from the boredom that is killing it inside. You will feel, in short, like this guy...



...minus the beard. Now, you will begin getting certain ideas. You will want to do something: something great, something heroic, something so utterly amazingly, awesomely supermanly that come tomorrow morning, the entire humanity will worship you and kiss your feet.

All I can say to you is. KEEP YOUR REAR END IN THAT BED. Tomorrow morning is going to expose your wonderful plans for the complete crap they are. Plans like these:-



1) Build a water slide:



You! Yes, you, the one who's completely drugged on coffee! Looks easy, doesn't it? The sort of thing you'd accomplish in about half an hour with some bits of plastic and a hammer? One of those fascinating enterprises of physics people talk about for decades afterwards? One that will note your name in shining glory as an example for the rest of humanity? Its so...pretty, isn't it? Yeah. Forget about it.




2) Eat: Oh hey, its late at night and no one's up, perfect time to stock up on those carbs you've been staying away for a while now...



No, okay? Just no. You will hate yourself in the morning.




3) Try on make up:

This is what you think you look like -




What you really look like -



I'm all against gender streotyping and calling people ugly, but do us all a favor and get a paper bag surgically attached to your face. Thank you.




4) Dance. Dance to celebrate the you-ness that is you:


Or, you know what? Don't.




5)


This is wrong on so many levels. Don't even think about it.