Serious Post #2

I just realized. Megas xlr counts as serious. It is, in fact, the serious-est of them all. The serious of the serious. The mother serious of all baby serio....I'm sure you get the gist. Heck, it contains answers to the one of the greatest human mysteries of all time in its theme song.



Why yes, chicks dig giant robots, yes indeed.



*Sigh*...If only more men understood that, wouldn't the world be a much better place? Well, that, and if people didn't get fat when they ate chocolate. Or if people's cats understood that they weren't supposed to eat the chocolate that said people were saving for themselves. I SWEAR cats are out to get us, and when they've taken over the world through a combination of smelly kitty litter and unnecessary arm-scratching and...zombie kittens with hand grenades, they're going to grin with their sharp little kitty teeth and make us worship them and make us construct monuments for them - hey, the ancient Egyptians didn't listen to me, and you know what happened to them, don't you?



Oh. Wait. We were talking about Megas xlr. Right.



BUT. In case of a kitty invasion, our only hope would be Megas xlr, who would karate chop those kitties and tie their tails up and throw them deep into the recesses of outer space, while playing an uber cool track on its sound system.



Or we could just throw a ball of thread at them and watch them fight each other to death to get to it, I suppose... But that wouldn't be half as fun now, would it?

Serious post #1

So um. I like noodles. Do you like noodles? I had shrimp flavoured noodles once. They tasted like chicken.


oh GOD I cant do this. Let's talk about Megas xlr

Eighteen today! ...or not

Ok, I admit it. By 00:01 on 27th July 2010, I thought I'd be a much more mature, responsible, nicer (psh, like that'll ever happen), more sophisticated version of me. I mean, come on, after 17 years of being the wimpy, nerdy, overly hyper kid, something's GOT to give! Instead, Tuesday morning found me eating Hershey's Kisses while watching the Legion of Heroes cartoon (which, by the way, is Awe. Some.)

But I guess it's different for everyone. I know people who've been really really mature since they were 5...or something. And I know me, who still can't apply eye liner. I've always wanted to be like the I'm-so-cool-check-out-my-eyeliner variety. I wanted to be the one people resort to in an emergency. I wanted to do debates and stuff on stage in school. I wanted to be someone who helps their mom with dinner, and then goes on to help their siblings with homework. I wanted to be the person who can be relied on to get things done. And most importantly, I've wanted to be someone who breezes into a coffee shop wearing kickass clothes in a red sports car, and then look around with superiority at the inferior souls who aren't old enough to own red sports cars yet.

Really. I AM old enough to old a red sports car. Today. But since even the mention of me getting a car around here gives people coronaries, I will refrain from talking about it. Much.

Instead, I get to be the one people look at when there's chocolate missing from the fridge. I get to be the one who knows the names of all Ben10 aliens. I get to be the extremely bitchy one who gets things just by being mean. I then get to be the one who then cries over the death of fictional animals in movies. I get to be the one who claims that every fourth guy she sees is hot. But then I also get to be the one who is perfectly content reading a book in bed eating junk food all day. I get to be the one who would never admit to the fact that I want a fairy-tale ending, but who readily scoffs at emo love songs. AND. I get to be the one who is hell awesome at video games.


And all I can say is...Its a damned good life.

How to pretend you know stuff when you have no fecking idea

1) Wear a suit.

2) Talk about something so random and with such complete assurity that even people who do know what theyre talking about believe you. ("OFCOURSE pumpkins were used as missiles during world war! EVERYONE knows that! where have you BEEN for the last 100 years?!")

3) Any back bencher worth his salt knows this one: nod intelligently. Yeah, that's right. Keep nodding that head and you're home free (hopefully NOT after detention 'cuz your teacher thought you were on drugs, due to all that nodding) This does work most of the time, especially if you have a tie on. Plus, if you can manage to throw in a 'look of disdain' while you're at it, your teacher will be completely convinced this is kid stuff for you. However, and don't blame me, this may lead to you getting more homework than your equally clueless pals, just because you "know so much about the topic!"

4) I will now give you the secret of all secrets, the Holy Scripture of knowing nothing while pretending you know fuck-all: keep on taking those notes. 'Cuz while you were drawing cartoons of her freakishly large head, she was glowing inside at the OBVIOUS importance you were paying to her each and every word. With luck, you'll look so busy making notes that the teacher wouldn't dream of disturbing you and making you answer that question. And these doodles of that hot hunk who lives next door MIGHT not help around exam time, but what the heck, you FINALLY caught a glimpse of him without a shirt on.

My Neighbours

So. They just had their house renovated. Out of three, one bedroom is now the kitchen. The kitchen is a storeroom. The second room is their kid's room. The third got turned into a gaming room. What I'm wondering is...where the hell do they sleep?

Wizards Vs. Fairies

In this corner, Ladies and Gentlemen: aged over a 100 years, the brand ambassador for Maybelline and silver Volvos all over the world, the Un-Dead...Edward Cullen!

Warning: this program is not responsible for whatever eye problems the audience may face due to the sparkly nature of the participant.

And, in this corner, Ladies and Gentlemen...The Chosen One, The One With Power The Dark Lord Knows Not (and no, its not love. In the R-rated version, it's a bazooka. And Joker. FYI.)...Harry Potter!

Really, people. I'm trying my best to be unbiased here, but the Harry Potter series and the Twilight series? No comparision AT ALL.

For one thing, the artwork on the Harry Potter books actually relates to the story. What does chess have to do with a werewolf (albeit a very hot one) and his 18 year younger lover? What sort of message is the artist sending out to the readers? Is there a message at all? Or is this pseudo-critic reading too much into nothing at all? (probably, but let's leave my literature skills out of this) Also, what's with the goth background and the fixation with blood? Is it because it's a teenage novel? Are they trying to portray the violence and turmoil, the destructiveness of the typical teenager? Really? How stereotypical.

Oh. I just realized the reason for the goth background and the obsession with blood. It's a vampire novel.

But I was totally right, too. You'll know when a twilight fan bites and infects every person on earth and takes over the world in 2012. Don't say I didnt warn you.

Now let's move on to the characters. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny, and even Luna, Neville and Dumbledore, are some of the most complex, yet understandable characters I've ever read about (are you listening, Shakespeare?) They may be brave and strong and have magic and live in a castle, but they also get detentions and have fights and cry and use the bathroom and do not have shiny skin.

I have a bone to pick with the sparkly vampire skin, as you can probably tell. I'm usually a sucker for super powers, and after x-ray vision, flying, sticking to walls, speed (not the drug, no) and fire-throwing; I am, frankly, not very impressed with Mr. Shiny Stuff here. Maybe it's not a super power at all, more like a genetic disease born after centuries of inbreeding. Or maybe some brain-addled vampire had the brilliant (voila!) idea of biting Barney. And the Teletubbies. And the Art Attack guy. And Steve from blue's clues. In which case I rather pity the vampire race. An excessive number of homosexual ancestors leading to glittery skin is not something I'd be proud of either. It's probably why they've remained in hiding all this time.

Apart from the completely moronic characters (Jacob IS slightly ok, because he talks like a normal teenager, not an actor from the 1800s.) Seriously. No matter how hard a break up you've had, you wouldnt ever talk this way: "Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me."
Unless, ofcourse, you're a librarian. Or a particularly emo person five seconds away from the edge of a cliff.

Again, I digress. So apart from the completely moronic characters, this series doesn't even have a decent storyline to commend itself. None of the enemy vampires are really formidable; James can smell really well (he should be in the tax revenue department tracking down people who don't pay taxes. Or Osama bin Laden.) Victoria can...run fast? And look like a cat, apparently. Laurent survived for about 5 minutes against the werewolves, so he's probably either very stupid or very slow. Or both. The Volturi are just like thugs in every other Hollywood story, and wouldn't last a second without their guards. So if you ask me (and unfortunately for them, noone DOES ask me) if it wasn't for Bella's elaborate descriptions of every part of Edward Cullen and vomit-inducing face touching, the series wouldn't last 50 pages.

The one thing I love about the Harry Potter series, is that every little thing that happens is so beautifully connected to the story: nothing hapens without a reason, every character has a role and fulfills it and there is no unecessary face touching. Neither are there declarations of love two pages long. Really, I wonder if Stephanie Meyer had a very intense and abusive boyfriend when she was younger, and Twilight is just her way of...letting her frustrations out? In that case, people, we are reading the ramblings of a traumatized teenager. Doesn't make for good reading.

Although both the Twilight and Harry Potter series are fiction, and rather highly imaginative ones at that, J.K. Rowling has an amazing knack of making her world so believable, and true, that us readers have a hard time convincing themselves its not true. Twilight just comes across as...wishful thinking.

And now, finally, about Bella and Edward's bollywood-like epic romance. I must say, I've been looking forward to this part. As unlikely as it seems, these two depressed souls do have a sense of humour, and it is enjoyable reading the playful banter that springs up between them sometimes. That is, if they have time left over after discussing passion and danger. And Edward's eye colour. And passion and danger. And Edward's eye colour. And passion and...see? It does get monotonous after a while. This is perhaps a good time to tell you guys that my favourite non-existing couple is Ron and Hermione.Unless, ofcourse, Ron really does exist. In that case it'll be Ron and Ifra. Just sayin'

Till next time, beware of the sparkle.

Pardon

Pardon me, O Holy Blog, O My Inner Creativity, that I completely snubbed out on you during The Examinations And Their Consequences.


Okay, enough of the capital letters.


Thing is, just as any absent husband or boyfriend will tell you, I Had Other Stuff To Do (oops, sorry about the capitals, again.)


So, as yet another lame attempt to keep this blog up-to-date, (and I was kidding earlier, there's clearly nothing holy about it) I will tell my at-present-non-existent followers what's been going on. Lets start with the exams themselves: more than a month of excessive pepsi, non-studying and just plain sitting around the house. Don't get me wrong, I did study. I mean, I must have. Sometime. Thankfully, that part of my so far pitiful existence is done and over with. Then came The Waiting (sorry, sorry.) Ok, so we're done with our exams and we're as happy as pixies in fairy land. There's just one teeny-tiny problem: The Result (I give up, reader)
Thankfully, that storm passes over easy. Then the real trouble starts. Does anyone even KNOW how confusing the whole new-school thing really is? ESPECIALLY when you don't even know what school you're going to be in? Hell, I tell you. Another article on it later, I promise. Honest.

Finally, that story had a happy ending too. The only thing that actually did work out, to tell you the truth. So yeah, the ground's too small and there are no hot guys, but the french fries kickass.

Try 'em soon :)